yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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