I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
