I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
