goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it's great music for shaving your balls
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
