It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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