while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
