Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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