I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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