More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
