What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
