So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
two words...techno handjob
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
