im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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