Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
