I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
