I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
