things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
