I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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