This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
