We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We're too hungover to prance.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
