Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
