quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
