Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
