I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
