You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
