Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize