she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
