chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
