I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
