She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
