Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
