good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
