I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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