Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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