just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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