"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
