Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
