yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
