She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
