were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize