but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
