I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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