I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize