so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
