I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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