youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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