I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
