How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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