i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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