Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
