yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
