Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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