i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize