so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
