Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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