Just mADE A PArabola og urine
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
