I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
