yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
