you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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