I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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