I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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