I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
