hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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