he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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