omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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