fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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