I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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