things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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