I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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