true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize