that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
