Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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